Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Circle Game

These are some bittersweet times. I have so, so much for which to be grateful and to enjoy. My little brother is getting married this weekend and he and his fiancee will be joined in matrimony and I'll get to see pretty much my whole family and it'll  be an all-out Perry-style dance party, which is about my favorite thing on earth. HR is not only thriving but he's getting to be such a personality. He's a lot more of a different kind of work as he gets older and his mischief quotient goes up, but he's so much fun and so happy and loving, I'm truly digging this stage. I got to hold a one-day-old baby this weekend and though the baby fever spiked like crazy--I was suddenly so nostalgic for the wee diapers and receiving blankets and nursing and teeny tiny toes--I remembered all the decidedly non-magic parts of having a newborn and felt pretty good about where we are right now. The idea of getting another shot at labor and of trying the infant thing again when I would halfway know what I'm doing and would be therefore less stressed is tempting, but not so tempting that I want to shake up what's really, really wonderful right now. What I'm saying that personally, it's all about as good as can be and as always I feel incredibly lucky.

Then there are some really painful things going on that don't involve me directly but are affecting some people I love dearly and my heart goes out to them. And work, the job itself is just fine, but we have some kids who are having a really rough go and it's impossible not to grieve for them and their families. It's enough to make me feel guilty about the relative ease and happiness of my little life, but I know that's useless. I'll get my turn on the wheel, I have before, it's just the way it is. Just be thankful, just be mindful, just be. It doesn't help any of the bad go away, it can't ward off any unknown future hurt and sadness, but it's a way to process it.

My pick today represents the kind of explosive joy and catharsis that helps me in the down times. It might not be for everyone, but boy howdy it's for me.

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