Laurels

Someday maybe I will write a proper entry about yesterday's devastating events. But it's still too new, too raw, too unfinished. It's not that I'm waiting for it to make sense, because it never will.

Over the time that has passed since the bombings, I have been frozen with terror. And depressed. And angrier than I thought I could get. But more than anything I am grateful that all my loved ones are accounted for and well. That the tragedy wasn't worse than it was. That this is the city I chose to call home over half my lifetime ago. That there is genuine kindness, generosity and beauty to stand up in the face of terror.

This was a horrifying, indefensible act. I grieve for the people who died. For the people who were hurt. Who were robbed of a triumphant life-altering experience. I hope that the culprit will be discovered and made to pay for his crime, but right now my sadness swallows up any feelings of vengeance.

For now, that's all I can put together. Thank you all for the calls, emails and texts. Even if we know, or are 99% sure that those we love were not anywhere near the scene, just being able to check in with our people, hear their voices, see a message they wrote, it helps restore a sense of calm, of control when things go off the rails. It makes a difference.

I guess I don't have anything new to add to this. I just want to wrap it up by saying that I know that good doesn't always win, and that justice isn't served even half of the time. The world can be a dreadful place for a million reasons. There are places where things like this are an occurrence every day, including yesterday while it was going on here, and it's enough to make you want to give up on this life and see if there's another one. But hate and fear have to lose. They have to. There's no other way to go on. Other people have honed in on this sentiment much more eloquently. But repetition of it only makes it more true. If there's a message I want to harp on here, to take as a personal beacon, it's that one. We'll be OK because we'll help each other, and if that ever stops then we're all done anyway.

As always, love and love and love to all.