Most of the time my life is a valentine. What a jerk to say that. But it's true, I've been dealt a good hand. It's not a fairy tale by any means (though I do think it's bizarre that "fairy tale" has become aspirational when you consider all the violence in the roots of most beloved stories). I consider it more like a box of Lucky Charms-- most of the marshmallow bits are represented, even on the not-so-great days. I've got no beef with Valentine's Day, not like I did in my younger knee-jerk cynical days. But it's also not really my jam. I don't have a tradition with Mike, and I don't consider it a special occasion for us. As he gets older I'm sure we'll do something for HR, but for this year it's just a day. I mean, what's the difference when you're under the impression that you're king of the world anyway?
I'm not saying I'm above Valentine's Day or that people who observe it are lame, not at all. With all the terrible-ness in the world, I do think it's wonderful that there's a day to celebrate love. But it's also a bummer that historically our society has exploited the sentiment to make a lotta cheddah for corporations, and in the process caused people feel somehow lacking. And then it's expected we all go back to being dingleberries for the rest of the year. That's not cool.
Anyway, from me to you, whatever makes you happy. In honor of VD, or for no reason. Here's the Beatles covering The Music Man and I maintain it's just the cutest thing, year-round.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
My Weird Secret
Or let's just say, one of them:
I take a picture of myself every day that I'm in the office. It started as a novelty when I got my first photobooth software, and then I just made it a habit. For awhile I posted them on my old online diary, as a signoff/memory stamp type thing (I won't be doing that in this blog). Then when I closed up shop there, I kept taking them out of habit and just stored them and never looked at them. I assumed they would be interesting to me someday I guess, and today was the day I decided to take an interest. I thought it might be cool to see a side-by-side comparison of myself, to get a visual of the aging process. Groundbreaking result of the experiment: I got older, and it shows. But not as much as I thought. I suppose if I keep doing it for 10 or 20 years it might make more of an impression, but I can't imagine keeping this up for that long. Anyway, I could just tell you I did all that and not show you, but I'm taking the "show, don't tell" tenet of writing literally today.
Voila, me on this date (or close to this date) for the past six years of my life.
From year to year, I've changed a lot, and then obviously not at all. The conclusion is, I really should be doing this with my kid. Maybe I'll start when I get home tonight.
I'm going to go do something useful to humanity now.
I take a picture of myself every day that I'm in the office. It started as a novelty when I got my first photobooth software, and then I just made it a habit. For awhile I posted them on my old online diary, as a signoff/memory stamp type thing (I won't be doing that in this blog). Then when I closed up shop there, I kept taking them out of habit and just stored them and never looked at them. I assumed they would be interesting to me someday I guess, and today was the day I decided to take an interest. I thought it might be cool to see a side-by-side comparison of myself, to get a visual of the aging process. Groundbreaking result of the experiment: I got older, and it shows. But not as much as I thought. I suppose if I keep doing it for 10 or 20 years it might make more of an impression, but I can't imagine keeping this up for that long. Anyway, I could just tell you I did all that and not show you, but I'm taking the "show, don't tell" tenet of writing literally today.
Voila, me on this date (or close to this date) for the past six years of my life.
2008
Your standard whippersnapper
2009
Really, why am I doing this?
2010
Uhh....
2011
Sleepless parent era: let the aging truly begin
2012
SERIOUSLY
2013
Same sweater, similar pose. Huh.
From year to year, I've changed a lot, and then obviously not at all. The conclusion is, I really should be doing this with my kid. Maybe I'll start when I get home tonight.
I'm going to go do something useful to humanity now.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Maybe Tonight I'll Dream of MCA
When my Aunt Sue died, I dreamed of her all the time. I haven't had a Sue Sue dream in years (I can't believe it's been 13 of them), but I just figured when I lost someone close to me, that would be their way of living on in my mind. When my Pup died, my hero, and favorite person in the world, I hardly ever dreamed about him. And I can't attribute it to anything. I suppose I had hoped to, but maybe I was scared to relive the difficult times and I was protecting myself? And then I wonder if Aunt Sue was on my mind so much more because she was so young, and her illness was so sudden, and there was more of a sense of unfinished business? Like I was still holding on subconsciously because nothing made me think it was OK to let go? Pup had lived a relatively long life, and the last few years of his life were sadder and sadder as his Alzheimer's advanced. The end, when he had his stroke, was nearly a blessing. I had been there to witness. And maybe that's how I made my peace. Again, who says dreams ever have to mean anything, or that I could have any control over them?
Last night I had my first Nik dream. On one hand I can't believe it took so long, but on the other I have a feeling a door has been opened, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of her in my sleep, in that way where I realize it's her and then remember she's gone and it makes no sense, but then all the sense. Her cameo last night came when I was going to get in a car with a bunch of people and a song came on that made me think of her and I was wistful, saying to the person next to me that it was hard to hear things I would have shared with her. And the person of course was Niki. And she didn't say anything. And I woke up maybe then, maybe a little afterward. I didn't remember the dream for quite awhile, and recalling it, I didn't know how to feel, I guess mostly glad to see her again.
Anyway. This morning HR was being a crankster about something, and the Beastie Boys were playing so I scooped him up and started bouncing around with him and it turned everything around. I don't even especially like this number in the scheme of the Beastie oeuvre (frankly, nothing from "Licensed to Ill" did much for me after junior high) but we really got into it and made up a chant that went, "Funk-Y! Monk-EY!" and marched around yelling it and there may have been percussion instruments involved and the point is, I'm having a pretty great day, thanks for asking, but that moment at 9 a.m. has yet to be topped. So thanks again, music, for what you do for my life in mysteriously helpful ways.
Last night I had my first Nik dream. On one hand I can't believe it took so long, but on the other I have a feeling a door has been opened, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of her in my sleep, in that way where I realize it's her and then remember she's gone and it makes no sense, but then all the sense. Her cameo last night came when I was going to get in a car with a bunch of people and a song came on that made me think of her and I was wistful, saying to the person next to me that it was hard to hear things I would have shared with her. And the person of course was Niki. And she didn't say anything. And I woke up maybe then, maybe a little afterward. I didn't remember the dream for quite awhile, and recalling it, I didn't know how to feel, I guess mostly glad to see her again.
Anyway. This morning HR was being a crankster about something, and the Beastie Boys were playing so I scooped him up and started bouncing around with him and it turned everything around. I don't even especially like this number in the scheme of the Beastie oeuvre (frankly, nothing from "Licensed to Ill" did much for me after junior high) but we really got into it and made up a chant that went, "Funk-Y! Monk-EY!" and marched around yelling it and there may have been percussion instruments involved and the point is, I'm having a pretty great day, thanks for asking, but that moment at 9 a.m. has yet to be topped. So thanks again, music, for what you do for my life in mysteriously helpful ways.
Monday, February 11, 2013
First Person Ever to Use Storm Metaphors
MEGASTAHM 2013 lived up to the hype, and flipped the bird at my weekend. We were safe and warm and never lost power. We had plenty of food and running water. I have nothing to complain about. But I will, a little. I was unable to give myself over and find much to enjoy about it, which is rare for my Pollyanna ass. But I couldn't find the beauty and romanticism in the endless snow because HR somehow came down with another cold, which wrecked his sleep and cast a pall over his demeanor, and because the downside of us living within walking distance from Mike's weekend gig parlayed into him working Friday AND Saturday AND Sunday AND Sunday night and in the meantime had to leave early to allow for time and when he wasn't working or going to or from work, he was shoveling. So it sucked for us because we didn't see him (he doesn't get out until we're asleep), and it sucked for him because it's just too much for one dude. But it was just a couple of days, and it's behind us now. I sincerely hope that Mike and HR get a huge family nap today, I'm just sorry I won't be able to join. It's good for me to get out of the house, however.
For the record my constant companion of the weekend was still mostly the bomb, despite the fallout from feeling yucky and not understanding why ("Mama, I don't like being sick," he said, rubbing his snotty nose on my shoulder). Part of me feels I went and jinxed myself by writing that glowing review of the state of the family last week, but then I remembered that, oh yeah, it's always going to be like this. Kids are a roller coaster, I just have to keep that in mind on the stomach-churning parts, and feel glad the restraints haven't failed yet.
Another thing: and it's no shocker why, I've been really feeling my mortality these days, in odd ways. Like, I'll be watching Enlightened and get really sad because Laura Dern and Dermot Mulroney are not young anymore. I think they are actually both gorgeous, even more beautiful and interesting to look at than when they were new on the scene, but I keep thinking to myself, "Remember when they were the fresh young actors?" I do. So seeing them age means I'm aging and it's all crazy. We've been on a Muppets kick with HR these days, he's loving the fantasy babies segment from The Muppets Take Manhattan. This morning as I was heading into the shower I heard Mike queuing up the wedding scene from that movie, and there's one little part that always resonated with me, even as a kid, when the baby muppets at the wedding sing, "Days go passing into years," then the very elderly muppets beside them sing, "Years go passing day by day" in those creaky old voices and it's enough to make the most aging-positive person (me, usually) go dark blue.
Here,bawl see for yourself (the blubbering starts at :53).
It's safe to say Nemo collided with Emo for me. Commence shoveling out.
For the record my constant companion of the weekend was still mostly the bomb, despite the fallout from feeling yucky and not understanding why ("Mama, I don't like being sick," he said, rubbing his snotty nose on my shoulder). Part of me feels I went and jinxed myself by writing that glowing review of the state of the family last week, but then I remembered that, oh yeah, it's always going to be like this. Kids are a roller coaster, I just have to keep that in mind on the stomach-churning parts, and feel glad the restraints haven't failed yet.
Another thing: and it's no shocker why, I've been really feeling my mortality these days, in odd ways. Like, I'll be watching Enlightened and get really sad because Laura Dern and Dermot Mulroney are not young anymore. I think they are actually both gorgeous, even more beautiful and interesting to look at than when they were new on the scene, but I keep thinking to myself, "Remember when they were the fresh young actors?" I do. So seeing them age means I'm aging and it's all crazy. We've been on a Muppets kick with HR these days, he's loving the fantasy babies segment from The Muppets Take Manhattan. This morning as I was heading into the shower I heard Mike queuing up the wedding scene from that movie, and there's one little part that always resonated with me, even as a kid, when the baby muppets at the wedding sing, "Days go passing into years," then the very elderly muppets beside them sing, "Years go passing day by day" in those creaky old voices and it's enough to make the most aging-positive person (me, usually) go dark blue.
Here,
It's safe to say Nemo collided with Emo for me. Commence shoveling out.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Props
I have spent WAY too much time on facebook the past couple of days, as some of you may have noticed. I can directly attribute it to how much time I've spent on necessary but tedious tasks in the workplace. The day is mighty long when data entry and running reports make up the entire schedule, so it's helpful to my sanity (and I like to say productivity as well) when I take breaks to post a song or a picture or something that's on my mind. The interaction it sometimes prompts is nice, too. And now the audit preparation phase is nearly over for this year, so I'll be a scarcer presence online, and that's a very healthy thing.
Speaking of healthy, I have to say that in the wake of a couple of sickness ridden weeks, we seem to be a family on the mend, and it's really showing in HR. He's going through a particularly enjoyable phase where he's mostly in a good mood, and we're having so much fun with his energy and imagination. I've always been the bath-and-bed parent and loved our rituals as they evolved, but now it's my super duper favorite time of day because that period of time between dinner and going to sleep is chock full of made-up songs and crazy dances and watching him in his own world as he plays with his bath toys. Just the manic amazement that is being almost three, finished off with a nice cuddle and closeness, it's a trip. Every stage has been my favorite, but this one is really, really it. Plus he's sleeping through the night consistently (waking at 5:30 like our own bald-ass rooster, but still) and that automatically increases the likeability of every member of the household by 75%. Parenting will always be hard work, but there are times where it feels like less work than others, and I'm riding this gilded wave for as long as I can.
Accordingly, the musical selection today is provided by HR. Hey, we almost got through the thing without him breaking out into "Old Mac(Effing)Donald". Almost. Also, I'm just so proud that instead of whining for me to stop filming him, he said "No thank you." Every day a breakthrough, people.
Speaking of healthy, I have to say that in the wake of a couple of sickness ridden weeks, we seem to be a family on the mend, and it's really showing in HR. He's going through a particularly enjoyable phase where he's mostly in a good mood, and we're having so much fun with his energy and imagination. I've always been the bath-and-bed parent and loved our rituals as they evolved, but now it's my super duper favorite time of day because that period of time between dinner and going to sleep is chock full of made-up songs and crazy dances and watching him in his own world as he plays with his bath toys. Just the manic amazement that is being almost three, finished off with a nice cuddle and closeness, it's a trip. Every stage has been my favorite, but this one is really, really it. Plus he's sleeping through the night consistently (waking at 5:30 like our own bald-ass rooster, but still) and that automatically increases the likeability of every member of the household by 75%. Parenting will always be hard work, but there are times where it feels like less work than others, and I'm riding this gilded wave for as long as I can.
Accordingly, the musical selection today is provided by HR. Hey, we almost got through the thing without him breaking out into "Old Mac(Effing)Donald". Almost. Also, I'm just so proud that instead of whining for me to stop filming him, he said "No thank you." Every day a breakthrough, people.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
We Get It, You Like Each Other
I am very lucky to have siblings who are also friends. Growing up we always loved each other, no question, but I wouldn't say we were friends. We were family who had our happy moments, and woe to an outsider who would dare mess with one of the other two, but partly because of how spaced out we were in age and partly because it's just how kids are, we weren't bffs of the world. Now that we're big people, though, we are not only super close, but I consider my sister and brother to be two of the top hangs of all time. A lot of people agree with this (fortunately Mike is one, because it would just be awkward if he wasn't). And while I don't consider myself to be a slouch in the party-situations department, from the untrained eye I am by far the most reserved when it comes to fun. So it's nice to have an automatic in with those guys, is the takeaway.
Hence the perenially popular sibling gift: instead of exchanging stuff, we pick a date to go out together and spend our money doing what we all enjoy. That being eating good food, bending the elbow a fair bit, and being together. This past weekend marked the official OFFICIAL end of the 2012 holidays, as we observed Perry Sibling Christmas in Portland. It so happened I had some hotel points that were in danger of expiring, so we had a suite right in the Old Port in which to crash, Mike was able to rearrange his work schedule to attend and my parents were able to watch HR overnight at my sister and brother-in-law's house. We were in town on Saturday morning for my cousin's baby shower anyway (EEEE I can't wait for this baby), so the conditions were perfect for a night on the town. Lo, it transpired, and much fun was had. We started off with a round o' pints at a cozy pub where the staff was thrilled at our enthusiasm regarding their choice of Pandora station (Hall & Oates - bet you thought I was going to say Toto). There was toasting in the hotel hot tub, gluttonousness at the hibachi joint, and end-of-watch shenanigans at Gritty's, strung together with gabbing and laughter. We got to spend time with one dear old family friend, but unfortunately missed out on another. And my brother-in-law soldiered through the deep end of the decidedly undelicious scorpion bowl, which led to a tough morning after for him. My morning after was sleep-filled and devoid of demands for cereal bars and Super Why, so it was like finding a pizza under a pile of nachos (aka, what I imagine heaven to be). HR had a great time being spoiled by his grandparents, and there's nothing like the loviness of a reunion with him. In sum, the good and not-so-good combined obviously beg a do-over, preferably before next Christmas. Let's do this.
Admittedly what I wrote today was less of a post than an extended brag on winning the sibling lottery. But it's an honest brag, infused with thankfulness. And now for another entry in the all-time family dance floor filler countdown.
Hence the perenially popular sibling gift: instead of exchanging stuff, we pick a date to go out together and spend our money doing what we all enjoy. That being eating good food, bending the elbow a fair bit, and being together. This past weekend marked the official OFFICIAL end of the 2012 holidays, as we observed Perry Sibling Christmas in Portland. It so happened I had some hotel points that were in danger of expiring, so we had a suite right in the Old Port in which to crash, Mike was able to rearrange his work schedule to attend and my parents were able to watch HR overnight at my sister and brother-in-law's house. We were in town on Saturday morning for my cousin's baby shower anyway (EEEE I can't wait for this baby), so the conditions were perfect for a night on the town. Lo, it transpired, and much fun was had. We started off with a round o' pints at a cozy pub where the staff was thrilled at our enthusiasm regarding their choice of Pandora station (Hall & Oates - bet you thought I was going to say Toto). There was toasting in the hotel hot tub, gluttonousness at the hibachi joint, and end-of-watch shenanigans at Gritty's, strung together with gabbing and laughter. We got to spend time with one dear old family friend, but unfortunately missed out on another. And my brother-in-law soldiered through the deep end of the decidedly undelicious scorpion bowl, which led to a tough morning after for him. My morning after was sleep-filled and devoid of demands for cereal bars and Super Why, so it was like finding a pizza under a pile of nachos (aka, what I imagine heaven to be). HR had a great time being spoiled by his grandparents, and there's nothing like the loviness of a reunion with him. In sum, the good and not-so-good combined obviously beg a do-over, preferably before next Christmas. Let's do this.
Admittedly what I wrote today was less of a post than an extended brag on winning the sibling lottery. But it's an honest brag, infused with thankfulness. And now for another entry in the all-time family dance floor filler countdown.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Say It With Hammer
Not that anyone's asked or is keeping score, but for posterity, on days when I don't write an entry I'm a) working from home or home sick, b) too busy with other work or life things or c) don't have anything I'm interested in writing about. Today's a combination of b and c. I did have a stellar weekend that went by entirely too fast, and maybe the detail-y bits will make it into the next entry, but if not, I'd like to publicly thank my doting babysitters for allowing me to sleep until 9 a.m. on Sunday morning. There was lots of wonderful in the past 48-or-so hours, and that was nearly the wonderful-est.
This post could be perceived as a placeholder nothing, but I argue that it serves the purpose of preventing any boring-ass future posts that I'd be throwing together for the sake of putting up something every day. I think that some people do enjoy reading what I write here, but nobody's clamoring for me to keep a schedule except the people I live with and those who need me at my job. This bold new approach will result in fewer entries overall, but hopefully I'll make it up in quality. I can't promise I won't write a list and call it an entry from time to time, but I do so love my lists. Besides, nobody's paying me to do this and I'm not charging anyone to read it, so that leaves me the freedom to flip-flop. I like holding myself accountable when it comes to my writerly pursuits, and it's good to have to work a little harder sometimes to produce content. But some days are just hopeless, and that's OK. Thanks for reading, my lovely readership.
This post could be perceived as a placeholder nothing, but I argue that it serves the purpose of preventing any boring-ass future posts that I'd be throwing together for the sake of putting up something every day. I think that some people do enjoy reading what I write here, but nobody's clamoring for me to keep a schedule except the people I live with and those who need me at my job. This bold new approach will result in fewer entries overall, but hopefully I'll make it up in quality. I can't promise I won't write a list and call it an entry from time to time, but I do so love my lists. Besides, nobody's paying me to do this and I'm not charging anyone to read it, so that leaves me the freedom to flip-flop. I like holding myself accountable when it comes to my writerly pursuits, and it's good to have to work a little harder sometimes to produce content. But some days are just hopeless, and that's OK. Thanks for reading, my lovely readership.
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