JP. OUT.

Ah, my last entry of the year. How anticlimactic. I hate writing retrospectives, and since this is my blog and all, I usually just don't. Not that anything major happened in the last twelve months, I mean, HR only learned to walk and feed himself and turned one and gave up nursing and started talking and a million other huge small things. No big deal. But though it's a constant marvel for me how he grows and becomes more of a functional human being by the minute, I know that's just life, it happens, and it happens fast and looking back on it in year-sized portions only makes it seem crazier.

As for the coming year, I never make resolutions. I'm one of those jerks. The truth is, life is pretty great and if it didn't change much outside of the wild unpredictable biteable-cheeked change machine that is our son, then I'd be more than OK with that. I know when I'm sitting on a pile of gold.

I assure you, it's not as painful as it sounds.

All right, so maybe the coming year will bring some actual writing from yours truly. Maybe it'll be the year I get a full night's sleep. Maybe my muffin top will vanish into the ether, or we'll win the lottery. Who knows what's coming? Not knowing is part of the fun. So I'm just going to be over here keeping on doing my thing. And you just be safe and happy as you close the books on 2011. See you on the other side.

One thing for sure about this year: I've really been into Les Miserables for whatever reason. So ending with this selection seems fitting.

However Do You Want Me?

I was firmly entrenched back in reality yesterday, but with work catch-up the entire day got away from me. So, hi! And welcome to the post-Christmas world. I am that idiot who actually starts getting sad on Christmas day because it means the wait is over. Yes, I have lots to look forward to, with New Year's weekend, and second Christmas with part of my family the following weekend. Not to mention the year ahead with my loved ones and all it will bring. But I still lament the loss of pre-holiday time. Phooey.

HR is back to sleeping like hell, but I believe it's a temporary condition brought on by 1) two massive bumps under his bottom gums; 2) acclimating to sleeping at home after sleeping away for a few nights and 3) the huge developmental leaps he's making. Suddenly, his mimicry is off the charts. I'd give you some examples, but they're really only impressive in person. Plus, maybe he can't stay asleep because he's thinking about the tons and tons of new toys that he got for Christmas and wants to be up playing with them? Oh my spoiled little boy.

Anyway, my blues and nighttime woes, like everything, will pass soon enough. I'm grateful to have spent another terrific holiday full of food and games and toddler delight and whatnot with my awesome family. And I've got piles and piles of stuff to get done at work before we can put this year to bed. So, on with it.

Bring Out Yer Chex Party Mix

I have a few hours' worth of work left to do, then I'm off through Christmas. I'm so very thrilled about this, both the time-off factor and the holiday itself. I think I'm finally starting to get in touch with my inner elf, which is a lucky thing because I have a bit of wrapping to do tonight and that's just a boring chore if you're not in the right mood. So I haven't bought all my presents. So my chocolate-covered peanut butter balls failed, big-time. I'll get gifts to people by the time I see them most likely, and really, do I need to add my sugary fatty contribution to an already overflowing buffet of party food happiness? We'll all pack on our little Christmastime food babies without that particular bit of help from my kitchen.

Hmm, this attitude is pleasing me. We'll see if I can keep it up when we really get into the holiday swing... chances are good I will because I have a secret weapon called booze that generally helps in those situations. I don't want that exactly to be the lesson that HR takes away from me (like I said, it's my "secret" weapon), but I'll do what I can to show him that these joyous occasions don't also have to be associated with stress. Not that he'll notice anything but himself for years to come, but you never know what these munchkins internalize. I'm just looking forward to getting to the homestead, stuffing my face, and playing my part as new traditions mix with the old ones.

Good times. Back to the last bit of nuttery to be dealt with until next week. Happy every little thing to every single one of you!

Ooh La La En Francais

This day is kicking my butt. And my brain's butt. And my soul's butt, to a lesser extent. It's all good though, the day's flown and I'm glad that it's nearly quitting time, so I can go home and do a million more things I need to get done. Or pass out, whichever comes first. This year I'm not even remotely stressed because, eh, it's just Christmas. Some things might be late or whatever, people will understand. I'm in good shape at work, so that's the important thing. What concerns me, though, despite my harping on it at every turn, is that my holiday spirit has actually been downright MIA and at T-minus FOUR days to Christmas, I've got to start psyching myself up. So here is where I decide to just let go and let it wash on over me because if I don't do it now, it'll pass me by. So let's go, Christmas guy. Let's do this thing.

Here's a song I've already posted here like 100 times, but come on. You can see why this made the cut.

Pop Pop!

The reverse tooth fairy stopped by last night, making me eat my words about the boy's return to normal sleeping. Poor boo. Tonight should be better, but if not, tomorrow. It's always a day away, as that annoying ginger orphan keeps reminding us.

Otherwise things keep moving along, the pace is a bit too rapid for my taste as it always seems to be this time of year, but I can't give you a single complaint, if I'm being honest. Maybe if I have time tomorrow I'll touch upon the underlying wistfulness I usually experience during my favorite season. But for today, all's just as it should be.

Now light them candles and pop a 40 of Manischewitz because it's the first night of Chanukah!

The Life

So busy! So happy! Work life is on full tilt until I get to make my Christmas escape at the end of the week, and home life is packed too, but there's all good stuff in the mix. To wit:

-#1 son has gifted me with a four-nights-in-a-row return to normal sleep habits (no jinx!). Don't know if my midnight patience paid off, or he just remembered how to sleep on his own but either way it's awesome.

-Mike and I finally invested in a treadmill as a our present to ourselves and our future selves, and I put some happy miles on that baby first thing this morning. Running outside is always better, but when the weather report is saying 19 degrees I'm content to stay inside and get my sweat on, robot-style. Plus the overachiever in me gets a thrill from being able to chart my progress so easily.

-Man we have good friends. Just in general, but we also cherish them in a special way when, say, they'll assist in the daunting project of getting said treadmill into our house when the delivery guy bails. Thanks, dudes! To more friend time in 2012!

-I have a date with the final Harry Potter movie tonight, I've been looking forward to it for so long, and though it would have been better in the theater, nothing sounds more delicious to me tonight than kicking back on my couch and seeing off my Hogwarts friends in the comfort of my home and stretchy pants.

Major Holiday Preparations commence tomorrow. For now, I'll be taking advantage of a chance to chill.

Crammed

Did I sound ungracious enough for you yesterday? After reading it over, I decided I need to take a moment today to say, first, that when I spout off like that I'm in no way representing the opinions of my employing agency, just my own, and most importantly that we are truly grateful for people's constant thoughtfulness. There are some things that come through the door that are patently bizarre, but overall we are treated so well by our donor base and I don't want anyone to think I'm less than thankful for the outpouring of generosity I am privileged to witness year-round. I'm not apologizing for yesterday's entry, but I do think it can't hurt to make it extra clear that I only wanted to give potential givers the perspective of someone inside the charity and not bash people for what amounts to their own business. I've always wanted to state my peace on that, and this is my forum. So there.

Time's short, but I have two movies I want to talk about real quick:

1) the mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's Bag of Bones on A&E. Anyone but me watch it? I loved this book so much, and expected to be disappointed anyway, but mah. gahd. it was terrible. Clunkily adapted, unbelievably overacted and miscast like crazy. Melissa George, for whom I have an inexplicable distaste to begin with, was wayyy wrong for Mattie Devore. Pierce Brosnan, though I give him mad props for aging realistically and still looking Le Suave, is too glamorous to be a King hero. I'll spot them Anika Noni Rose because she's bad ass, but damn, it was... not good. So I can't recommend this unless you want to view it for trash-talking purposes. With me.

2) Did I talk about White Christmas last year? I feel like I did, but no matter because here it is again. It's a movie that, for all intents and purposes, I should love. A musical. About Christmas. With Danny Kaye, who is super fun to watch. But no, I don't love it. I find it sort of boring, truth. And I know this is mean but I have to tell you that Vera Allen freaks me out. What is up with her waistline? It's like looking at someone who got wrung to death in the midsection. She's like a cartoon, or a fetish dream. I just can't take her seriously and it ruins the viewing. That said, I'll never see the day where I can get through the General scene without bawling my eyes out. I have a wicked soft spot for that type of WWII camaraderie hoo-ha. Greatest generation, indeed.

Well that surge of semi-negativity was energizing! Back to the pure love part. I'm a long-lapsed Catholic, but back in the days when I went to church, I always loved the solemn beauty of this carol. It's no surprise that Christmas Eve mass with the choir was always packed because in addition to the full-time faithful, it attracted the part-time practitioners, and even people like me now who don't do religion but do beauty instead.

In Which I Boss You Around

What's the best nation on earth? DO-nation!

It's no secret that I work for a nonprofit organization. I have worked for this one for nearly 15 years, and before that I was a volunteer so I guess you could say I'm committed to the mission of this particular charity. I love what I do, and for whom I do it, and I'm very proud of not only of our reputation, service-wise, but because it's public record that nearly all the money that comes into this place goes to the program. The percentage of funds that go to payroll and fundraising is about as small as we can get away with. I'm just saying if you're looking for a place to give money, this is a good one and it makes a huge and immediate impact.

But this isn't a shill for my place of work. It's just that this time of year the spirit of giving is everywhere, not just limited to friends and family. Everyone feels compelled to do more, (and many also try to get a tax break before time is up, while they're at it). I don't have a problem with the whens and whys, the fact that people give at all is enough for me. That's not where I get all judgy. This post is for people who want to give and maybe don't know where to start, or already give but want to know how they can be most helpful. Here's a hopefully useful little guide that is admittedly colored by my many years in the business.

1) It really is all about the cha-ching-cha-ching. I have not come across a single charity that would refuse a monetary donation, or that doesn't need money above everything else. At this time of year, everyone wants to buy toys for kids, I get that, it's sexy and it hits right in the heart. And there are many charities specifically designed for this. But no matter what the organization, your best contribution is the kind that comes from your wallet. This is not cynicism, this is how it works. As far as I know, even food pantries would ideally be happier with the funds to replenish their stock than to try and use up 100 cans of asparagus before their expiration. If you insist on donating in-kind, ask the organization if they have a wish list, and stick to the items on the list. Really though, I'm not sure why people are so turned off by giving money if they're really informed about where it's going. And though I am guilty of this as the next person of waiting until the last minute, do consider making your gift before December, when the bulk of donations come in. If it is that late in the year, please be understanding that you might not get a receipt right away. If you're the kind of person who procrastinates on your gift, you're not doing your taxes in January.

2) Volunteering is great - but be realistic about your reasons. We get many, many calls here from people who want to give time, but they want to do it on their terms for their reasons, meaning, they have a picture in their heads about what it means to volunteer and when you let them in on the realities of it, the bubble is burst. I'm lucky to work with many awesome, amazing volunteers, and though every one will say that what they do here is rewarding, they've all at one time or another given their time in unglamorous, boring ways. There are some times where a volunteer can go months without seeing an actual child, or have shifts where they're taking messages nonstop, but they don't bat an eye because they're in touch with the organization's actual needs vs. some romantic vision of making a difference in a child's life through copious craft-making. Coming in with expections often makes more work for the staff, too. Just be thoughtful, is my point. If you don't want to do what the organization asks of you, you're just not a good fit. Also: if you want to volunteer on a holiday, try to find out earlier than the month before if you can help and how.

3) Be informed. By law, any charity's 990 is public record. If you want to know anything about how a nonprofit does its business, get the 990. If you don't like how they handle the funds, move along sister. See also: what I said about volunteering and giving. If you're serious about being a donor in any form, really listen to the charity's wishes. I can't stress this enough.

4) Consider a donation as a holiday gift for loved one. Most adults you know really don't need another thing at the holidays. I often make donations in people's names, and it's always received happily. I'm not talking about "Human Fund" cheapo bullshit, I'm talking about taking what you'd normally spend on that person and showing them how you used it to help someone in their name. And they don't have another figurine to dust. It's win-win! It's a great lesson for kids too, but that's a whole other entry.

After all this, you're probably wondering, do I give? What kind of asshole would I be if I didn't? Without going into uber-detail, the bulk of my donations go to this place, because it's the charity closest to my heart, but we also like to make sure we give a bit to services we think are essential: animals, elder care, GLBTQ rights, Planned Parenthood. Everything we choose has been carefully researched so that we feel confident that the money isn't going back into publicity or keeping the fundraising machine going. We eschew just about anything that sends huge bundles of perks - address labels, cards and wrapping paper, the like. Guilt-buying is the surest way to turn me off as a prospective donor.  We'll also give to any one of our friends raising money for just about any reason, but that's just good karma. The point is, we are not rich, and it's not like we give a ton, but there are many places where even $25 a year can do something. Just about anyone can give in some way.

I'm not trying to show off or be sanctimonious. I know I probably come off sounding that way, but if it helps one person help another person, then I don't care.

Now as a palate cleanser, here's an awesome holiday tune from the least charitable character this side of The Grinch:

Now Bring Me Some Friggin' Pudding*

I'm super busy processing gifts which is probably the best part of my job, and my favorite way to be overwhelmed here. It reminds me that I've been meaning to talk about charity, and share my strong opinions about the best ways to make an impact through charitable gifts, both at this time of year and (ideally) throughout. So... that'll be tomorrow.

Today though, while I've broached the subject of giving, here's a little carol I enjoy:



*My Gram thinks these are the lyrics, for real. My Gram is awesome, in case you didn't already know.

Realizations

This weekend's early chanukah gathering was off the proverbial hook. All children and adults were shamefully spoiled, present-wise, but more importantly, it was a nice day of visiting and playing and sitting by the fire and plowing through some serious food. Latkes, am I right? I have to blaspheme and say they were overshadowed this year by steak sandwiches with an out-of-this world homemade chimichurri. But potato pancakes, still, are one of the best things of earth (and possibly earth 2).

HR idolizes his big-boy cousins. He wants their attention so badly, I could see him pulling out all the stops (doing his burping impression, laying it on thick with riotous laughter), looking for acknowledgement, some kind of reaction form them. What goes on in these little toddler heads? The boys are great with him, and it was so fun watching them interact. As for his four-months-younger cousin, I think the two munchkins are more content to move in orbit around each other than have a real back-and-forth. They were pretty good at sharing toys though, so that bodes well for future friendship. The excitement of the day was actually a bit much for both little ones, they were adorable, but overstimulated, so much so that our chowhound even refused dinner. We had to stick him in the pack & play a little earlier than usual which allowed us to have a leisurely grown-up dinner while he got some much needed shut-eye. Maybe next year is when the little 'uns will really, really get the whole concept of holiday parties and of being cousins I guess? But any way you look at it, it's all good.

Yesterday was a great day. Sundays have been bringing it as one of my favorite days lately, it's when I have my alone time with HR and we've sort of developed a nice easy schedule for park/lunch/nap/play/walk Dada home from work. When we retrieved Mike in the late afternoon yesterday we lingered at his place for a drink and looking outside at the darkness all dressed up in lights for the holidays it all finally gelled for me the way it does about once a year, that feeling of warmth and anticipation and mostly appreciation. Just savoring the moment with myself and my family. And then on the walk home we took the long way so we could check out Somerville's finest light displays, and I pushed the stroller while HR walked, holding his father's hand. I was a bit ahead so I stopped and waited and as I watched them come toward me I realized OHMYGOD he's not a baby any more. Just like that. He looked so grown. And it broke my heart in the tiniest way, but more than that it filled me up with pride and gratitude, you know? That there was my own little big boy, so healthy and strong, so sure in the knowledge that he'll always have a hand to hold. Even if our sleep woes never change, he's thriving in pretty much every way. When I look at him, I no longer see the helpless squalling bundle we brought home 19 months ago. All of a sudden he's his own person and that person is the bees knees.

Just saying.

Anyway, I've always liked this song. In my head it's being played at the coolest holiday parties that I'll never be invited to, or only exist on TV.

Deal With It

This weekend we're doing chanukah-in-one-day with Mike's family, and I'm really looking forward to getting together with the whole family. I'm especially anticipating seeing HR and his little cousin interact, they're finally at the age where they get interested in other little ones and don't just play side-by-side. This is the stage, too, where they're starting to enjoy the gift-exchange portion. They were both too small last year to even notice what was going on, and to me the unbridled excitement of kids opening presents is the best part of any gift-giving occasion. We'll make sure to have the video recorder at the ready.

I find myself wishing I had my own Christmas tree at home, but there's really no space. Besides, there's a small magpie who lives with us for whom fragile glass bulbs and shock-y things are irresistible. I've got a lovely tree to gaze upon at work, and there will be at least one when we go up to Maine so that ought to fulfill my craving. Still, there's nothing like sitting in the evening in your own home and admiring the festive ornamentation. Maybe next year, or when he's five.

I don't mean for every entry to be the blog equivalent of Hallmark channel sparkle holiday unicorn mistltoe magic pants from November to January. But it just comes out. No apologies. While I'm being unrepentant: here's quite possibly the dorkiest thing I've ever liked.

One of Those Interactive Dealies

In case anyone is keeping score, though HR ended up in the big bed at 3 a.m. again, the first wake-up took 4 minutes of soothing instead of 45 before he went back to sleep. I'm calling it progress.

Real quick, what are your favorite holiday-related movies? Not specials - that's a separate post. I'm talking feature films here. In no particular order, here's my top 10.

Let's get the obvious ones out of the way:
-Elf
-A Christmas Story
-It's A Wonderful Life

I also adore:
-Auntie Mame - the original with Rosalind Russell, not to be confused with the yucky musical version with Lucille Ball.
-The Sound of Music - there are no holidays in this, but it makes me think of the holidays regardless.
-Love, Actually - it just gives me that feeling in the bottom of my soul, you know?
-The Ice Harvest - for those who like a little darkness with their string of lights. Super funny, excellent cast.
-Scrooge, the musical, with Albert Finney.
-A Muppet's Christmas Carol, natch.
-Trading Places - if you have to ask why, you have to watch it. Now.

As with all lists, I'm sure I have left off something big and obvious. But they are all movies that I cherish, especially this time of year. Which do you love the most? Or hate the most? Sometimes that's even more fun to discuss.

As emo holiday music seems to be my theme this week, let's go all in with this classic (which is also from a great movie to watch at Christmastime).

Fie! Etc.

Sugar cookies with tea and clementines is a perfectly acceptable lunch if it is December or if you were up a lot with a regressing toddler. Meaning, I double earned that deliciousness.

Yep, obviously the sleep fairy has rescinded her blessing upon our house and we're once again finding ourselves in the throes of one of the least pleasant tasks associated with parenting a healthy child: sleep training. Not just regular sleep training either, but middle-of-the-night sleep training. We had it so good for awhile, we finally got it so HR would go to sleep and stay asleep for a reasonable amount of time. And it came and went but mostly stayed that way. I could count on him staying in his crib until at least 4 a.m. for a good six month period. I was at peace with the notion that my boy would never be a great sleeper, but hey, good enough. And then this thing happened where he was up earlier and earlier and we got tireder and tireder and just took him into bed with us, which, as it turns out, he loves. So now when I try to resist bringing the monkey child from his bed to ours when he's having a screaming fit in the early a.m. darkness, it's a THING. And I don't want that, I think it's for the best for us all to put a stop to it. Last night's initial attempt was semi-successful-- I got him to put himself back down at the 1:00 wake up within (the longest ever) 45 minutes, then gave in and brought him in bed when he woke again at 3:30. I know I need to be tougher than that if I want it to really work. The problem is, my resolve weakens considerably as morning approaches. I've decided I'm giving myself this week to take a decent shot at breaking us all of the bed sharing habit. If it doesn't work, then we'll co-sleep until he's 15. I don't care, at least we all sleep pretty well.

It's so frustrating because I really thought we were done with this, and we got used to being able to count on a certain type of behavior from HR. A taste of honey and all that. Anyway, I had better get going and capitalize on the energy I built up on this morning's surprisingly cleansing run before the lack of shut-eye comes back around with the clampdown.

I don't like many holiday songs that were written after the 1980s, but this is one of those exceptions. It's long and it's a sad bastard to be sure, but the holidays are for the melancholy, too.

Narcissist-in-Training

Once again I stand before you with an empty hand. Tomorrow should allow for more time to produce content. Or not. But who says you need to write to be a blogger, anyway? Am I right? As a sort of apology for my extremely boring phase, here's a glimpse of what life is like in my home, for the most part. We don't have the giant mirror, but we have the giant un-self-conscious ham going to town in front of it.



This is pretty much why we keep him around despite his latest round of sleep shenanigans.

Todays pick is to be filed under "yet another song I can't actually listen to as it results in bawling":



The implication that it's a song told from the point of view of a soldier at war is too much for me to handle, emotionally, so I only indulge if I'm in need of a good cry. If you're made of stronger stuff, however, have a listen for me.

Stick to Not Writing Metaphors

Busy-ness is my business right now, so my posts are suffering. Someday I'll do some for-reals writing again, but that someday is not today. I will however regale you with a holiday tune. I posted this one last year by a different artist, and I'm sure it won't be the last time, there are lots of stellar versions and it's my favorite non-secular carol. Josh Groban is one of those dudes that I came around to in a backward manner, I had never heard his music, but he kept popping up in comedic cameos, making fun of his image, and it made me like him. Though I'm wont to go out and purchase a Groban CD for every day listening, I think what he does here is breathtaking.

We can still be friends even if this is the straw that broke the back of the camel of my not-lameness.